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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in xxxbignrichxxx's LiveJournal:

Friday, July 28th, 2006
6:19 pm
this is how you remind me..
so yeah i went to the bon jovi concert last night here in boston. i was more into nickelback then bon jovi. but it was all good besidesd this guy like looking back at me and smile and shit and he had a gf too so it was he was planning on cheating on her with me. what a freak. i went with two of my friends. one is out there. but its okay. and yeah. got somoe cool quotes from this book i got from there. i really like this one "be who you want to be. be who you are. everyones a hero. everyones a star." also "dont ask the past to last. its about to change". I love this one the best " I know sometimes its hard for you to see. youre caught between just who you are and who you want to be. if you feel alone and lost and need a friend, remember every new beginning is some beginnings end".

i really dont have much more to say but this is the story of my life and i wrtie it everyday and i hope your by my side when im writing the last page.
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
11:00 pm
Some Songs I love
*Bad Day-Daniel Powter*

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on


*Miss You By Blink 182*

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

I'll Be by Edwin McCain

the strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive, and not dead

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,
I tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing that you said.

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
(repeat)

The greatest fan of your life.

*What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts*

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do


*Who Knew by P!nk*

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew


*Far Away by Nickelback*

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go


*No Bravery by James Blunt*

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
Tears drying on their face.
He has been here.
Brothers lie in shallow graves.
Fathers lost without a trace.
A nation blind to their disgrace,
Since he's been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

Houses burnt beyond repair.
The smell of death is in the air.
A woman weeping in despair says,
He has been here.
Tracer lighting up the sky.
It's another families' turn to die.
A child afraid to even cry out says,
He has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
But no one asks the question why,
He has been here.
Old men kneel to accept their fate.
Wives and daughters cut and raped.
A generation drenched in hate.
Says, he has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

*Dear Jamie by Hellogoodbye*

Dear Jamie,
I've got a letter I would like to send.
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end.
Should I trust this dialect
To convey the right effect?

Dear Jamie,
I've got some things I'd like to set in pen.
I would have used a pencil, but lead's just not permanent.
Should I trust my printer's ink
To express the things I think?


Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say.


Dear Jamie,
This envelope will represent my heart.
I'll seal it, send it off, and wish it luck with it's depart.
This stamp will be every action that carry my affection
Across the air, and land, and sea.
Should I trust the postage due?
To deliver my heart to you


Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say
Every page I tried my best to fill with something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say


Give you all I can
Flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed,
Sincerely me.

*What You Wish For By Guster*

Woke up today to everything grey
And all that I saw just kept goin on and on
Sweep all the pieces under the bed
Close all the curtains and cover my head
And what you wish for won't come true
You aren't surprised love, are you?
If this serenade is not what you want
It's just how it is, it keeps goin on and on
Come out, come out where ever you are
Would you do it all over right from the start
And what you wish for won't come true
You aren't suprised love, are you?
So what you wish for won't come true
You aren't surprised love, are you?
Once had this dream, crashed down in Oz
Not black and white, but where the colors are
I never dreamed that I would let her go
And I will get what I deserve
Keep all the secrets under the bed
Open the curtains, forget what I said
And what you wished for could come true
You aren't surprised love, are you?
So what you wished for could come true
You aren't surprised love, are you?

Current Mood: content
9:27 pm
EEHHHH
so yeah.... i pretty hate my summer. i feel like i can never decide what i want to do. its always crap and i just want to move away. if its not one thing its another...oh well.

i dont know what else to write.

i talked to my friend tyler the other day and hes such a sweetie even though hes a total druggie and shit but i adore him.

nothing else really exciting. but yeah. i will write more later.

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
9:20 pm
the right effect
Dear Jamie,
This envelope will represent my heart.
I'll seal it, send it off, and wish it luck with it's depart.
This stamp will be every action that carry my affection
Across the air, and land, and sea.
Should I trust the postage due?
To deliver my heart to you



I haven't written in awhile. I guess school, friends and other things have lead me away from that. But not very many things have happened. Started work at Market Basket. Its okay. School ended and another year ahead. Just basically going along for the ride till I can leave new england. its time for a new chapter in my life. planning on going to the beach a lot this summer. loose some weight and yeah. Go up to see my best friend =]. going to some concerts, which should be grand.

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
-Tim McGraw

Current Mood: calm
Friday, December 16th, 2005
9:53 pm
I dunno
I just feel like I keep doing things wrong. Or things just happen. I know a lot of things dont mean to happen most of the time and they happen for a reason. But I feel like I either let my friends down or I cant bet there for them. Sometimes i feel like to that i cant have everyone run to me for help. it really stresses me a lot when i cant even help myself when i help other people. What hurts more is you talk behind your best friends back and even if you tell them your sorry and shit you still feel like you let them down. And im truly sorry i did that. But right now i dont know whats really going on in my life. i feel lost and confused and just out there. I mean people think of you one way at school and dont think you have another emotions but one and all your there for is something that your not. I just dont want to be known as ana the funny person who has no feelings. I do, I do think of things indepth, i have more emotions than a lot of people would think. It hurts knowing that people talk behind your back. It hurts knowing that you cant fit in cause your one way or another. All you really want to be is accepted in as yourself not someone your not. And i think so many people have a hard time with that. and i can say i do a lot. I can talk to guys so much better than girls just cause i grew up with guys and i know they wont go and back stab you for no reason. I know i can be me around them and they wont judge, unless your fucked up in the head and i think everybody does judge but girls do more than boys.
So i guess im just saying is that, im sorry for all the shit i caused, for anything i said, for the people i hurt and anything else. and I guess i just want things to be ok in the end and to be accepted for who i am. And knowing the people i loved in the first place are still there for me. And please anyone and everyone just be honest with me. I rather know the truth then lies and thats not going out to anyone specific but im just putting that out there in general. so nobody worry about it.

Current Mood: okay
Sunday, December 4th, 2005
12:06 am
FOOLS!!!
so i went to the school play today called "Fools". it was fantastic. Two seniors who played in it that i love were Glenn and Aaron. they are fantastic. i wanna hug them. they are amazing. There was this freshmen girl who was one of the main roles and you would expect that she would be bad compared to glenn and aaron who have been doing this for years but she was wicked good. Im so getting glenns and aarons autograph on monday. they are some of my idols.

i found out... well i knew for a while but i found out how bad my friends mom is. She has MS and shes getting treated for it with the stuff they use with cancer patients. and shes loosing her hair and feeling awful. and my friend knows that her mom has it but i dont think she knows how bad it is. i dont even think her class mates even know what shes going through. my friend can hide things easily but deep down i know shes really hurting cause her parents got divorced and me and my friend were talking today about her and we were thinking that her boyfriend is just using her and our friend thinks hes the greatest guy. but i think once he dumps her shes gonna be so hurt. i just feel so bad for her.

Then i found out that my friends grandmother has cancer. i dont know how bad it is or anything. my mom told me it a little while ago. so i hope her grandmother can get better soon and as fast as possible.

My dad found out that his cousin who lived in finland died. i dont think he was close with him but you know its sad.

the other day IM brian, the guy i used to like and now is going out with this ugly girl and shes so annoying. well when i IMed him he was like fuck off cause i dont feel like dealing with annoying people like you. and i didnt do anything. Im just sick of people like him. I cant deal with it. It just bothers me and i cant take it

I think i turned bi. I dont go after women and go omg shes so hot but i dont mind making out with them or anything and i also hate how people just judge people that are gays, lezbos or bi. i dont like it at all. it takes a lot to bother me...well depends who you are but in general thats one thing that really bothers me.

I feel like i cant really relate to anyone anymore. I can relate to Dez and my friend Ally. dez is always there for me no matter what and ally shes amazing. me and her can laugh and joke and she wont judge me. and i feel the same about dez to.

i guess im just venting all this out cause i feel so stressed and hurt a bit and all these things happening to friends and their family members are just killing me inside. i feel like no one expect a couple people actually care what i think and how i feel and shit. im starting to feel fed up about giving advise to people. i dont mind in general but its kind of hard when your best friend lives three hours away and you cant see her and i can get so overwhelmed easily. i guess i should just start worrying about myself more. cause i havent really.

Thats it for now.

Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
8:07 pm
BIRTHDAY!
today it was my birthday. 16 on the 16th and i got this crown thing from my friend and i wore it around and i got a lot of looks and a lot of people sang happy birthday to me. i felt so special. one of my friends decorated my locker. then when i came home, i got a electric guitar. i love it. its blue. then i went out to bugaboo creek and had ribs and yeah. thats it
Sunday, November 6th, 2005
1:43 pm
Nov. 5
omg yesterday was awsome. me and dez almost walked on a bird and with dez screaming and an old guy going "are you girls ok". then waiting outside the bus before the concert with this girl with a spot on the back of her pants. Dez wearing my purple fuzzy scarf at dinner and making these weird expressions. Me putting my eye shadow on all weird and looking like a clown. Me and dez making our stomachs talk to eachother. Me screaming tay tay all deep and freaking out these girls. Dez checking herself out in the mirror. Ike with the weird expressions when playing guitar. When the staff dude came and signed things and me getting one and saying that he looks like napoleon. Then him going i did the bike scene and dez going HECK YES! me and dez's boobs touching. Me licking the bus and dez making sexy poses against it. Dez kicking the girls ass at the show. these two weird girls dancing and singing waiting for hanson to come out. OMG dez's hotel. that was such a dump. it was worse than like homeless peoples places. Zac saying "Don't you think I should get to know you better before I give you a hug" to this fat girl.

Current Mood: blah
Friday, October 28th, 2005
10:25 pm
Come a little closer
ughness. im so busy. i feel like i wont get to talk to anyone and i feel bad. cause i have to work in the afternoon tomorrow. then i have a dance from like 8-11 at school. then im gonna relax sunday. i have been like over working myself. lol that sounded wrong but i dont care. then i have one week left to see dez! yay! im so happy.

i havent written any updates about band. or least i didnt see any. anyways im doing better. still having some trouble sight reading but im getting there. practice makes perfect.

i think im gonna go trick or treating monday just to get free candy. i love free candy, but i need to loose weight. opps.

Current Mood: tired
Monday, October 24th, 2005
9:24 pm
redneck yacht club
hmpfh. i feel like people at school dont reall care about how i feel. maybe they really dont care that im there. i dont know. i feel like im there just to give them advise, but then if i try to ask for some advise i cant really trust anybody. the only person i really can trust is dez. i mean i can have a good time with my friends at school, but truly cant really be myself. its hard you know. well probably depends who you are but yeah.

Current Mood: blah
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