xxxbignrichxxx (xxxbignrichxxx) wrote,

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I dunno

I just feel like I keep doing things wrong. Or things just happen. I know a lot of things dont mean to happen most of the time and they happen for a reason. But I feel like I either let my friends down or I cant bet there for them. Sometimes i feel like to that i cant have everyone run to me for help. it really stresses me a lot when i cant even help myself when i help other people. What hurts more is you talk behind your best friends back and even if you tell them your sorry and shit you still feel like you let them down. And im truly sorry i did that. But right now i dont know whats really going on in my life. i feel lost and confused and just out there. I mean people think of you one way at school and dont think you have another emotions but one and all your there for is something that your not. I just dont want to be known as ana the funny person who has no feelings. I do, I do think of things indepth, i have more emotions than a lot of people would think. It hurts knowing that people talk behind your back. It hurts knowing that you cant fit in cause your one way or another. All you really want to be is accepted in as yourself not someone your not. And i think so many people have a hard time with that. and i can say i do a lot. I can talk to guys so much better than girls just cause i grew up with guys and i know they wont go and back stab you for no reason. I know i can be me around them and they wont judge, unless your fucked up in the head and i think everybody does judge but girls do more than boys.
So i guess im just saying is that, im sorry for all the shit i caused, for anything i said, for the people i hurt and anything else. and I guess i just want things to be ok in the end and to be accepted for who i am. And knowing the people i loved in the first place are still there for me. And please anyone and everyone just be honest with me. I rather know the truth then lies and thats not going out to anyone specific but im just putting that out there in general. so nobody worry about it.
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